Saturday, June 30, 2012

Toy Time, Plus!

While I am having an indecent amount of fun with my toy, there is . . .

Breaking News:
The Human's been a bit poorly, and tonight spent about three hours in the ER finding out she has an extremely painful kidney stone. Ouch! Until it "passes," we may be a little scarce. I might even have to be nice to her for a bit, as her constant whimpering and moaning arouses sympathy even in my flinty little heart.

Thursday, June 28, 2012

Fearful Friday

Aggie & Wally:    We know she's out there somewhere. We just don't know where.
                              But we know for sure she's going to leap on us and we don't like that. 
                              At all. Daaaaaaaaaad, make her stoooopppppppp.
*   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *
P.S. Spitty's been lol'd at Wendy's!! Come and see

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Thankful Thursday

Today I am thankful that Miss Madie Mitten Kitten is not here in MY house, that the Human is on a summer schedule that allows for morning playtime, that hardly anyone makes fun of my pink beddy anymore, that we almost never have really hot days, that my Furminator has just about eliminated furballs, and that the Human stocked up on my favorite foods last week. Oh and for naps.
Life is good, Kitties!

Monday, June 25, 2012

The 'Vine Is Fine

Yes, I know I complain about the Human, but sometimes she does the right thing in spite of herself. Why, just the other day, she took a nice clean sock, sprinkled it liberally wif the Magic Powder, and brought the delightful offering to my Tiny Tent. I didn't even mind the flashy box, much.

Sunday, June 24, 2012

ManCat Monday: The Eye of S(p)auron

Somebody watched the Trilogy* again over the weekend. 
There'll be no end to this now.

*Lord of the Rings, all three l-o-n-g, boring movies.

Saturday, June 23, 2012

The Human Does Not Operate a Restaurant

but evidently someone who shares her first name does, MOL! This billboard near Sacramento advertises a small chain of pasta palaces in the megalopoli of Dixon, Vacaville and Fairfield. Buon appetito!

Friday, June 22, 2012

I Can Has an Avatar!

Thanks to Wonderful Wendy who realized my Human was so lame she was never going 
to make me one, I now have this spiffy new avatar:

                                                 Isn't it the coolest thing ever? I looked at it and thought,
"Am I really so handsome and adorable?"
And then I laffed and answered myself:
"Well, duh! Yeah I am!"
Thanks Wendy! I love it. Now I don't has to be jealous of all the other kitties anymore!

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Miss Madie Mittens: Mistress of the Green Tent

Je suis innocent

(More) Breaking News from the Dad of Aggie, Wally, and Madie Mittens:

I went up in the afternoon, and I thought I should give her the run of the short hall; I briefly undid the Great Wall of Boxes so I could get over, but she leapt the one layer of boxes to freedom. She worked her way down the stairs slowly, so I got ahead of her to shut my bedroom door to keep A & W in---they had been skittish since the Comcast man had been clumping around.

With the elders safely locked away, I let MM work her way down the hall, slowly sniffing, as I told her this whole new world was hers for the taking if she just stopped the &%*$* biting. Things were proceeding apace when who strolls out of the kitchen but Aggie. So she wasn't UTB as assumed!

Well, MM was so focused on the floor that she didn't even see Aggie until they were mere feet from each other. Aggie stood stock still, silently, and Madie approached with ignorant confidence. When MM got "too" close for Aggie's tastes, Aggie (without fluffing up) let out a hiss and a serious growl like I've never heard her make before. MM stood her ground and did her "Look-at-me-I'm-so-big-and-tough" stance on her hind legs [it works so well with the fake mice] until---in her enthusiastic bravado---she fell over backwards! Illusion shattered!!

They danced around a bit more, in the kitchen, on the front stairs---both establishing the "flight/fight" boundaries with Aggie winning the rounds on points. No damage was done to either by either. I eventually picked up Madie and opened the bedroom door to see if Wally wanted to join the festivities. He did come out lowly and slowly, but he got within two inches of MM face as she stayed in my arms. I'm sure that took almost every ounce of bravery he had, but he did it. 
*     *     *     *     *
Well, Kitties, I see now that MY blog has been hijacked by you-know-who three times this week. I think that's quite enough. I mean, yes, I understand how "darling" and "little" she is, but hey! My readers want to see me, Human, and don't forget it!

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Spitty's Singalong

We're so wonderfully wonderfully
Wonderfully wonderfully pretty
You know that I'd do anything for you
We should have each other to tea
We should have each other with cream
Then curl up by the fire
Get up for awhile
It's the grooviest thing
It's the perfect dream
--"The LoveCats" by The Cure

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

More Stories?

Well, all right, you can tell me more tales of Miss Madie Mittens, but later, please.

Perhaps after my nap. I'm all listened out just now.

Monday, June 18, 2012

We Interrupt This Blog . . .

For Breaking News from Aggie and Wally's Dad:

With Aggie & Wally no longer making themselves scarce (and after a reassuring brushing for the both of them), I took them into the main hall and shut any doors/escape routes and took the risk of bringing Madie (may-dee) Mittens (the Kitten formerly known as HellKitten) downstairs tightly in my grip. Ah, "O [strange] new world / that has such [kitties] in't!"

There was much posturing and slinking from the oldies and stoic stillness from the newbie, but no fur flew and no blood was drawn.

Wally skulked about while Aggie stared suspiciously down at MM, and MM stared suspiciously up at Aggie.


Sunday, June 17, 2012

How HellKitten in a Box Came to Live with Aggie and Wally and their Dad

Caturday, June 16, dawned bright and clear.  The Human and Aggie and Wally's Dad set out happily and hopefully at 9:00 a.m. It was the purrfect day for a run up to Sacramento to collect New Kitten (a little waif who had obviously chosen the right doorstep to mew pitifully upon). 
Because who lived there but . . .
the Human's dear college friend, Patty (r.), and her longtime partner, Annie. Their last name is evidently "sucker" and HellKitten knew it.
The Human and A&W's Dad had even brought flowers for the Foster Moms:
The first meeting could not have gone better, even though HellKitten 
was still sporting the Hoodie of Shame from her LadyGardenectomy the previous week:
A delicious lunch was consumed and soon it was time to head off to HK's new home in sunny San Francisco! All of HK's new possessions (Sparky the Dog was not among them) were ready to be packed up . . .
. . . the empty PTU was ready to be filled:

(Sparky wasn't too sad about saying good-bye.)
And off they went for a quick drive back to S.F.
Or so they thought.

*    *    *    *    *    *    *    *     *    * 
For about 35 miles, it was all good, breezing down I-80. HellKitten in a Box could not have been more well-behaved or endearing, and although it was about 140° outside, the car's a/c was humming and the Humans were feeling smug about how well the Kitten Acquisition Trip was going.

Then, suddenly: Klunk! klunk! and klunk again!
The dash lit up like a Christmas tree and the happy trip turned into HellKitten Visits the Bates Motel.

A&W's Dad did a masterful job of maneuvering the car off the freeway into the thriving metropolis of Fairfield, but from there the day devolved into chaos. AAA could tow everyone to San Francisco, No they couldn't, Maybe they could, Yes, No. Who knows?

Meanwhile, HellKitten was panting in distress from fear and loud traffic noise and the heat. 
The Human looked up and Lo! an Oasis in the Sahara: Motel 6!
Yes, it was a little decrepit, yes the clientele looked a little shady.
But still:  Air conditioning! Water! Ice! Liberation from the PTU!
A room was obtained and joy reigned once again. . .at least temporarily.
BTW, can you tell HellKitten is a "Hemingway Cat"?
Just look at those extra toes!
(Also: Isn't it special that Motel 6 has it's own bedspread line?)

After tearing apart significant quantities of Human skin, ripping the eyeglasses right off her new Dad's face, and putting the bitey on every available appendage, HellKitten was ready for a Time Out while the Humans made one frantic phone call after another.
In between calls, and a delicious cheese-sandwich dinner from the gas station next door, the Humans played with HellKitten who exhibited no ill effects from the day's adventures. The same could not be said for the Humans, however.

Eventually, the Cavalry arrived in force and HellKitten, the Human, Aggie and Wally's Dad and the gravely wounded car were all conveyed back to San Francisco. Since it was after midnight, the Human failed to document in photographs HellKitten's arrival at her new furever home. (It must be noted however, that Big Boy Wally bolted in fear after his first look at her. He's no fool, hahameow!)
Further reports pending--stay tuned!

Human, Of Course I Want to Hear Your Story

Maybe not just now, though. As you can see, I have my soft gray mousie here, nestled under my floofy tail, and in just a minute I am going to have to play with him for a little while.

So maybe tomorrow you can tell me the story of the merry 15-hour adventure you and Aggie and Wally's Dad had yesterday that finally ended up with Cousins Aggie and Wally getting a new little sisfur!

Friday, June 15, 2012

Yes, I Am! I Am Your Sweetie-Sweetheart Boy

Wait--what? What did you say? 
Oh Cod! What did I say?
Look, you woke me up! I'm not responsible for what I say until I've had my breakfast.
C'mon, you know that!

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Tunnel Time

Human, it's not that I don't appreciate your attempting to play wif me while I am here in my T3
(Tunnel Travel Transporter). But you see, I need to go visit poor 'bandoned Katie, drop in to comfort my CK while she mourns the loss of her reserve toy collection, and peek in on Darling Caroline to make sure she's safe from that norty Ornj Boy who torments her.

So I hope you understand, Human, it's nuffing personal. I have a busy schedule. We can play this weekend, okay?

Wednesday, June 13, 2012


The Human laffed at me quite cruelly because she thinks I missed the good whiffies 
and put my nose right up against the wood instead. 
Little does she know that that is exactly what I intended to do all along.
There was an especially interesting smell *just* in that very spot.
You understand that, don't you, Kitties?
*     *     *     *     *
Huge Conga-Rats to the Giants'
Matt Cain
for pitching MLB's
22nd Perfect Game!

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

(Almost) Wordless Wednesday: A Tail's Tale

Spitty may be a-sleeping, but the Royal Tail is On Duty.
P.S. The video is 48 seconds, but you can see everything there is to see in the first 10. Just sayin'.

Monday, June 11, 2012

Tucked-In Tuesday

Some days, I disengage my powerful brain
and empty my mind of all my cares and woes.
I find it soothing to curl in my paws 
and allow my eyes to drift slightly out of focus.
It's even better, of course,
when the Human is off at work.
Which, right now, she is not.

Sunday, June 10, 2012

ManCat Monday: Ebil Skwerls, Vishus Deer

Yeah, those are what I wish I could see out my kitchen window. But Noooooooooo
I see other Humans' underwear flapping in the breeze. And what's fun or nommy about that, I ask you? Frankly, it's enough to kill a ManCat's appetite.

While I Nodded, Nearly Napping . . .

Suddenly there came . . . well, you-already-know-who, don't you?

We've been watching Game of Thrones, Kitties, and I cannot overstate how delightfully bloody it all is! The only thing is, there have already been two Kings dispatched in really unfortunate ways by those they foolishly trusted, and I wouldn't give two pieces of kibble for that punk Joffrey's life now, either. 

So although the series is endlessly entertaining, it does give me pause: Who is out there plotting my demise? The Human says, "Oh, Spitty, stop being so melodramatic!" but I dunno. I'm sort of worried.

Saturday, June 9, 2012

Your Offering Pleases Kitty

Nothing like some well-deserved guilt to prompt a PetSmart visit and the purchase of a fresh new fev-ver wand for yours truly. Grad•yoo•ay•shuns was last night, so now all that attention and energy should be devoted to me, don't you think? I will make her help me do some visiting later today, in between correcting her Honors English finals.
Then can she pay attention to me??

Thursday, June 7, 2012


The Human thinks she must be rubbing off on her students. No, it's not that they've developed a taste for the 19th-century American novel (More's the pity. --Ed.). It's their choice of class mascot that's taken a turn for the better.

One of the tasks of each sophomore class is to sew a banner of their class mascot, in this case, the Panther. (And really, could there be a better animal?) Their banner is hung on Class Day at the end of sophomore year and remains on display in the auditorium till a year after their graduation.

Although it's a bit difficult to tell from this photo, the banner is about six feet long and made of silver satin. The Human and I are particularly fond of the obviously-clawed "2014" and the mighty claw swipe across the top.

Disclaimer: The Human had nuffing to do* with the sewing or design of this banner. A math teacher sewed the basic shape for them, and the kids designed and created the rest under the snoopervision of the science department chairperson. *She's lucky if she can sew a button on

Wednesday, June 6, 2012


There you are, Human, again with the box. Can you not see I am pleasantly sunning myself on this barely adequate sill? Did you want something? Or were you just irritating me on general principle?

Yes, I thought so.

Tuesday, June 5, 2012


Thanks to the charming and, ahem, very masculine Nerissa, I have this "Illuminating Blogger Award" to share with you today.
The rules are simple enough: Share an illuminating fact about yourself, and then pass the award along to five other bloggers.
The second part of the task is easier than the first, so here goes. I choose the following LadyCats of Mystery:
Zoey of The Island Cats
Audrey of Simba's Antics
Cathy Keisha of The World's Most Stunning Cat
Binga of Sparkle the Designer Cat
Allie of A Tonk's Tail

But, huh. Here we are now at the Hard Part. As it turns out, I do, in fact, have a rather poorly-kept secret to share with you today and here it is:  I am still a Real Boy.
Now, I know that is not generally considered a good thing. But I hasten to assure everyone that I never but never, but NEVER go outside, and I am a perfect gentleman in the litter box department.
So what's up you may ask? Well, here's the thing: I am so strong and so fast and so wiggly and acrobatic that the Human has in the past been unable to stuff me into one a them troll boxes kitty carriers. I have, however, mellowed considerably since the last time she tried, plus she has purchased a Large New Container. So she is thinking (hahaha--I just LOVE it when she "thinks") that perhaps this summer we might give it another try.

We'll just see about that, Kitties!

Monday, June 4, 2012

I Am the Only One She Really Needs

She doesn't need a purse
or Poor Pouty Prince Philip
or any of those annoying children and 
their irritating spouses
when she has glorious ME
to purr for her. 

Sunday, June 3, 2012

In the Dead of Night

Spitty is hard at work, spying on snoopervising the night-time activities of the neighbors.
Of course, he would be more stealthy and all
if the Human would turn off the freaking bedroom light so he could be invisible!

Easy Sunday

Good morning, Kitties
So, today I am recovering from the exhausting Debutante Ball at Truffle's, 
definitely the see-and-be-seen event of the Season.
But Spitty's getting a little old for this sort of thing--I was home and tucked into my pink beddie 
while the under-three set was still dancing the night away.
(I must say I have recently enjoyed a nappy or six with the lovely Audrey
in her red beddy.  I'd like a red one too, Human.
Could you get right on that?)

Friday, June 1, 2012

Caturday Night!

♫ Come Caturday evening
I'm goin' away to a Ball
We'll Caturday-spend till the end of the night
Just I and my friend
We'll travel for miles in our Caturday smiles
And then we'll move on
But we will remember, long after Caturday's gone ♫

See you all at tonight's Debutante Ball for Truffle!